Tonight I had nothing much in the fridge and I started to think about if I should bother heading out to grab something quick to eat or just go to bed. It's not like I don't have options around here, unlike a lot of other areas in Brussels. There are no fritkots within throwing distance, but there's plenty of other stuff to clog my arteries.
I pass Pizza Hut, McDonald's and Quick on a daily basis, a reminder that multinational corporations and capitalism are never far away. And as much as I hate to see their giant logos so far away from the country that spawned them, I'll admit that I love walking up to the Pizza Hut counter and paying 1.60 for a slice of a pizza whenever I want and then being on my way. And I don't complain every once in a while when classmates drag me to McDonald's to get a burger after a few drinks. Beyond the staple restaurants you have the not-so-common places like Chicken Spot (why didn't they just call it Chicken Restaurant Place and be done with it?) or kebab shops.
One of the first things you notice after walking into a McDonald's or anything else from the states is that they don't run the same menus over here. You'll find the Big Mac but beyond that it gets kinda weird. For example, one of their specials right now is the CHICKEN MYTHIC.When I hear the words Chicken and Mythic together, the first and immediate image that comes to mind is a Mythical Chicken from some epic Greek poem, about a gigantic fucking chicken who roams the countryside at night, eating children who dare to venture beyond the city's walls. What I don't picture is a nice big chicken patty on a piece of bread and some fresh iceberg lettuce.
Us Americans really do have a gift when it comes to advertising, it seems. But we also deliver on those offers. It's just not in their blood over here. I think it comes down to 10 Frenchmen sitting around a table gesticulating, the boss finally piping up with "Alor, what should we call zis thing?"
And in accordance to French work ethic they all just shrug, mutter something about the food being dégueulasse (that's "disgusting" and you should say it like "degolass", with a sneer) ... and then say they'll think of something later after they finish their apperitifs of Pernod, but then never do it, and they lose your paperwork and act like they don't know what you're talking about when you show up for your identification... wait, I'm getting off track. But the government offices might as well be run by McDonald's employees.
If you bother going to the McDonald's websites (who does that, ever?) you'll notice the European McD's has a really small menu compared to the US one, not to mention everything looks smaller. There is no double quarter pounder, that is for sure. Probably because people here are not horrible, fat monsters.
Now let's take a look at Quick, France and Belgium's answer to shit food. Their menu includes:
- the Cheeseburger
- the Classic Pepper
- the Supreme Cheese
- the Quick 'n Toast
- the Giant
- the Long Chicken
- the Long Bacon
- the Long Fish
Exciting! And that's right, you heard me, the Long Chicken. The second cousin of the Chicken Mythic, destroyer of children, friend of Long Fish, destroyer of seafaring vessels (no relation to longcat). The Supreme Cheese tells them all what to do. That's ingenuity. Lately, though, I've seen all sorts of advertisements in the streets from Quick. They're taking a cue from us Yanks and are cranking it up a notch, throwing out stuff like the...
You can almost hear the advert shouting SUPREME TENDER BEEF at you, but that's where the excitement ends. That's European supreme -- a regular burger. Like American companies, Quick routinely tries to pass off food as EXTREME and GIGANTIC, but that's where they have our evil corporations beat, because they give you a normal burger but charge you a supreme price. For the price of that thing you could get 3 of these things:
...and then you would die, but that's your choice, damn it. It's available. Ah well, when in Brussels. I guess I'll have a beer and go to bed and wake up to feel miserable.
